Monday, 9 February 2015

Normal People

A few weeks ago, one of my female friends told her friend that I visit escorts.
''But he seems so normal'' was the response.

A classic reply from someone who knows nothing about sex work. And in fairness that's a huge percentage of the population. A few years ago I was the same, with nothing but a few cliches swimming round my brain.

Prostitution was about drugs, pimps, desperate down-trodden women, nasty diseases and creepy kerb crawlers right? Except that pretty much all of that is completely wrong.

The women I've visited have been intelligent, sober, skilled and strong willed. Without exception. They have been friendly, professional and in many cases humorous. Most have been happy to chat for ages, candidly, openly and honestly, often well over the alloted time.

And one reason for this is that sex workers are about much more than sex. One lady estimated that up to a quarter of her clients don't actually have any sexual contact with her. And I understand that. I've had two or three appointments where we just cuddled and talked. Why would anyone pay for that?

Well it depends on your viewpoint. In the last year, I've spent several thousand pounds on escorts. But let's compare that with having a girlfriend. Going out two or three nights a week for a meal, cinema, buying presents, perhaps a two week holiday. It very quickly adds up and there is no guarantee of a lasting relationship. That's assuming you want one.

Many couples effectively lead separate lives. They have jobs with awkward hours, different interests, different friends, a need for their own space. Sex dwindles and becomes stale. It can easily become two people sharing the same premises and little more. And for many, that is absolutely fine.

But for others, their desires may be different. I have been in long term relationships as described above. The sexual element, such a fantastic part of the courtship, disappeared almost immediately we moved in together. How much better is it to retain that excitement, visiting ladies for various adventures, ranging from edge play to simple cuddles and pillow talk? To count some of those ladies as personal friends, caring for and about each other? To retain your independence, yet having human contact, both platonic and sexual, on a regular basis?

Variety as they say, is the spice of life. I'm having the time of mine.

Monday, 2 February 2015

Being Nice to Sex Workers

I follow quite a few sex worker accounts via Twitter. Many are illuminating. Here are a couple of tweets from this evening:

''When I think I've had nicest client ever, a lovelier one comes along. A good flogging, full body massage + £100 tip. LOVE MY JOB #sexwork''

''I have a naked man pouring me a bloody mary and cooking me a steak for breakfast. Only takes a few days to train them ;)''

Now these aren't by any means unusual. Despite what the un-informed public and the should-know-better antis think, many clients are actually nice guys who genuinely enjoy making women happy.

That's not of course to say that they don't, in many cases, get a sexual thrill from doing so. But is that a bad thing?

Last week, I visited my favourite escort. This lady is an all rounder. She provides a wonderful GFE and a fun, inventive and marginally vicious Domme session. So we alternate appointments. And every now and again I like to say thank you.

So last week, we laid towels on the bed. She lay on her tummy and I massaged her back for the full 30 minute appointment. The alloted music stopped and she asked for some more time. We had a laugh about that.

It was actually lovely and knowing that I had pleased her and done something she appreciated meant a lot to me. Don't ask why this should be. I know many reading this would think I was nuts. But it made us both happy and why should that be a crime?

The problem is that quite soon it WILL be a crime here. I could be arrested, fined and taken to court for massaging someone's back. Proof of payment or proof of sexual contact will likely not be required. The very fact that I was on the same premises as a sex worker would be considered incriminating enough.

Is this lady underage? Exploited? Trafficked? Not by any criteria. She is highly skilled, has years of experience, is entirely independent and pays tax on her earnings.

But given the numbers of trafficked women here, surely criminalising everyone visiting a sex worker is the right thing to do? Erm not exactly. Last year the number of sex trafficking cases here was zero. Yes that's correct. Not even one.

But perhaps because it offends the morals of our great and good, we should all be criminalised for having sex with a consenting adult where payment is involved. Or for massaging someone's back. Or cooking them a steak. Us 'johns' are after all inhuman monsters.